Tied to the testings of will

2007-02-12T03:14:00.000+08:00

Your the Echoes of my Everything
Your the Emptiness the whole world sings at night
Your the reason why i Burst and Bloom
Your the leaky sink of sentiment
Your the failed attempts i could never forget
Your the metaphors i can't create to comprehend this curse that i call love
how will i break the news to you

it was a helluva night

2006-12-04T04:04:00.000+08:00

questions fade, you remain
You are color on a page of white
bright like eyes beneath black lights

memories of the long nights and long walks
the endless conversations at the playground under the stars
i always ponder what if i did wait
will things still be the same

2006-12-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

you know i always wondered how life would be like if i was a girl.

2006-11-23T12:27:00.000+08:00

Mambo was great.

I could feel something different for the first time
Heaven made sense and all the words rhymed.
No chance of stopping now. I'm taking it all.
And now I'm caught in the air, its a good glide.
Pass it up, wouldn't dare what a wild ride.
I remember being ready and waiting to fall
just like I did tonight.

Spinning around and around
Until my left was my right and up became down.
With just one look you knocked me off of my feet.
So unable to speak. Oh how you made me weak.
Though it was a while ago, I still can recall.
That moment so ready, and waiting to fall.
Can you take me back in time
remembering when you captured my heart?
Over and over again

2006-11-22T00:10:00.000+08:00

THANKS for NOTHING

2006-10-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

its really simple
why should my problem be yours
leave me alone

Gone and disappearing on this cold night
I never thought it'd be that way
Your crying eyes they form the question
Formed by the words that we have shared

Uncovered signs now change the times
Perplexing incongruent lies
Unparalleled, impossible, complacent amiable souls

2006-09-26T18:08:00.000+08:00

baby its because of you
i learned to believe again

i learned to love again

2006-09-24T19:57:00.000+08:00

its only after these few days that i realize how much you mean to me

2006-09-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

baby your everything I need that I never knew I wanted
baby your everything I want that I never knew I needed
this is going to bring me to my knees
I just want to hold you close to me

2006-09-18T00:51:00.000+08:00

I've been flipping through my book of songs,
and i realized that you never escaped a page.
Every line that bleeds from this pen carries a thought of you.
A memory, or just the feeling that no matter what I do,
you're with me, in my mind and in my heart.
You're a part of me, and there is nothing we can do to change that.
You're a part of me.Even in my memories,
the ones you love are the first to leave and the pain you try to forget remains.
Eventually it carves a hole in your heart so deep, you bleed to death and
wonder how you ever stood a chance.

2006-09-16T17:14:00.000+08:00

a long night left to my own imagination
wondering where and what was happening
is this really the end
is this how it'll end
someone just take me away..

tom lets fly away, far far away

2006-09-14T17:30:00.000+08:00

who i am hates who i've become
i don't know why i'm doing this
i don't know why i'm putting myself through this

my lips are turning blue
a kiss that can't renew
It because i only dream of you
my beautiful

2006-09-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

its going to be long and painful
but im going to peservere
cause baby you make me smile

2006-09-09T10:43:00.000+08:00

Song Of The Day

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

2006-08-13T02:24:00.000+08:00

its really funny when you sit alone reflecting what you have achieved over the past 3 years of your life, remembering the good times you had.
I was feeling bored so i decided to re-read the first few testimonials i recieved on friendster. It's weird. The first few testimonials are really telling of your character.

It seemed you can tell alot about the person just by reading his first few testimonials.
Is he/she the same person then and now?
How much has that person changed. It strucked me.
As i sat starting blankly at my screen, the questions of what if, started pouriing out. I ask myself have i made any wrong decisions which currently affects my relationship with certain people?
If i could change anything, would i take the opportunity to right my wrongs?
Or am i currently satisfied. I really REALLY wonder how life would be now.
No names mentioned of course, i look at the people i ' used ' to know, carrying on with their lives. I wonder how i even lost contact with them. It was as though we used to be so close at a point in time, but after we left school we all just seemed to drift apart.
Its ironic..

2006-07-25T17:57:00.000+08:00

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!

Art

83%

Journalism

75%

Dance

67%

Theater

67%

English

50%

Philosophy

50%

Mathematics

42%

Sociology

42%

Psychology

42%

Linguistics

42%

Engineering

33%

Anthropology

25%

Biology

25%

Chemistry

17%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-07-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

its funny turning 18, its just a funny feeling
not one of euphoria, nor one of sorrow;
its somewhere in btween
its a sorta in your face thing, legal to smoke and drink
but still not legal to watch R(A) and go for Crazy Horse
don't mind my nonsensical blabbering, just came back
from a swissotel buffet and im laughing at how stupid i am for eating so much

thank you everyone who made my 18th a memorable one! (:

2006-07-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

You love me, but you don't know who i am

i'm torn between this life i lead and where i stand

you love me, but you don't know who i am

so let me go, just let me go..

2006-06-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

Clubbing yesterday was horrible. One of the worst nights i've ever experience, bad crowd, bad ambience overall sucky party; at least the music was above average. gahh im getting sick of clubbing.

COUTURE @ DXO 17th JUNE

2006-06-16T21:39:00.001+08:00

ATTENTION EVERYONE!!
Sick & tired of the old clubbing party routine?
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HERE'S SOMETHING NEW.

a HOT ROCK&CLUB COMBO,
w not only a ROCK CONCERT (feat. LOCAL
BANDS, after all local's the way t go!)
and a good ol' R&B HIPHOP TOP40s PARTY after!!

JUNE 17 (SAT), 9-11pm
(RONIN!!!, FLYBAR!!!, SUGARJAMS, THROUGH THE DISCORD!!!)
& 11-4am (PARTYYYYY PEOPLE!!) only @ DXO;
music, culture, life right?

PARTY : COUTURE @ DXO
Date: 17th JUNE (SAT)
TIME: 9pm till 4am
VENUE: DXO , ESPLANADE MALL
MUSIC: Hip Hop, R&B and the Top 40’s! (11to4)
BAND :Flybar , Ronin , Through the discord !! (9to11)

A ROCKing new twist is UNLEASHED on
JUNE17TH Saturday!

Rock on as eINC & present COUTURE @ DXO ,
the party you do notwant to miss!

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1. The business of designing, making, and selling
highly fashionable.

WHAT more can YOU ask for?

DRINKS? like $5 shots ALL NIGHT LONG,
a ONE-FOR-ONE promotion from 11pm until 1am and bottle
promotions, $118 for vodka & jim beam!!

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ATMOSPHERE? ROCK MUSIC & HIPHOP
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DJ? Featuring DJ Illusion & DJ Kayc as they whip
up an aural barrage of Hiphop & Top 40’s to set
your body grinding all the way on the dance floor

presale@$18 ONLY w 1 drink.

it's such a freaking hot concept, it ain't funny.

be there Because it’s the PEOPLE that makes it
happen,because it’s YOU that makes it happen!

Contact me @ 96624049 for tickets!

2006-06-11T18:47:00.000+08:00

I'll wait until tomorrow maybe you'll feel better then maybe we'll be better then so what's another day when I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you this mood of yours is temporary it seems worth the wait to see your smile again out of the corner of my eye won't be the only way you're looking at me then.

2006-05-25T15:51:00.000+08:00

giving myself time to think and be alone.

Many thoughts came to mind. We always look inwards to ourselevs asking for evidence of a god. Why do we do that. is it moral conscience? why is there moral conscience in every human being. Why is it that we somehow know what is right to do and are burdened with shame when we fail to do it? Could there not be an ultimate goodness to which our human nature responds to?

Blame me for being young and stupid. But i still ponder. Why every human being of whatever race and culture becomes a worshipping creature when he matures. Let it be rock idols, trees, buddha or even god himself. What made us like that. why is our human nature born to be a praying and worshiping creature.Ultimately humans have no proof or argument in the bible that there is a god.

The bible simply assumes that god exist. Ultimately, thanks to a close friend of mine, reminded me that we have to accept god's existance by faith rather then by proof. But does that still mean that the existence of god is a unreasonable one.I have come across much false thinkings about god. Some people think of him like a traffic cop, who is always watching and waiting to catch us for a sin we commited.

Yet there are many others who still feel that god is as distant and unknowable 'alien'Yet in much the same way, in my belief of god is a 'distant knowledge' rather then personal one. Maybe im wrong.Yet im constanly being exposed to the teachings of god. After all i can say that im still young, use it as an excuse. Thats all i have to say for the time being. Thats all thats running through my head. after all, shit happens and i can only blame myself.

I don't where I'm going don't know where I've beenI can't remember the last thing you saidAll I know is that you're goneAnd the night has turned to dawnI don't what I'm saying don't know what I've saidI can't get this out of my headAll I know is that you're goneAnd now this road is way too longDo you care for me when I look into your eyesI can't see through all the liesDo you care for me when I look into your eyesI can't see through all the lies that you keep telling

2006-05-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

just to clarify, yesterday's post was just somebody's opinion and not mine.
so please stop asking me stupid questions.

i cant wait for my holidays to come, its been a really long time since ive gone to the beach alone..

2006-05-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

The death and resurrection of Jesus are central—many would say fundamental—to Christianity. And as every good Christian knows, Jesus died on Good Friday and arose from the dead on Easter Sunday.Or did he?

Jesus said he would be in the ground for three days and three nights.12:38

Then certain of the scribes and of the Pharisees answered, saying, Master, we would see a sign from thee.

12:39 But he answered and said unto them, An evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given to it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas:

12:40 For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale’s belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. (King James Bible, Matthew)The New American Bible has a footnote to these verses.

The only additional sign to be given to the faithless is that of Jesus’ death and resurrection, typified by the story of Jonah in the belly of the fish. The allusion to Jesus’ resurrection could not have been grasped by his audience at the time.

I, too, have trouble grasping the “allusion” (did they mean “illusion”?) because if Jesus really was crucified on Good Friday and resurrected on Easter Sunday morning, then he spent only two nights, not three, “in the belly of the earth.”

Most people would count Friday to Sunday as two days, especially since Friday at 3:00P.M. (the traditional time Jesus is supposed to have died) until Sunday morning is less than 48 hours.

Yet it might be argued that Friday, Saturday, and Sunday span (part of ) three days.

But can you find three nights between Friday and Sunday? I can’t.

Another verse makes the problem worse: in Mark, Jesus predicts he will rise again after three days.

8:31 And he began to teach them, that the Son of man must suffer many things, and be rejected of the elders, and of the chief priests, and scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. (King James Bible, Mark)What’s going on?

Either Jesus made an incorrect (i.e., false) prophecy about his death and resurrection, or else Christians for the past two thousands years have been commemorating his death and resurrection on the wrong days.

And if Christian churches can’t even get the days right (after all, “three days and three nights” is a simple expression, isn’t it?), it’s easy to wonder how many other things they have wrong, too.

I don't think Christianity as a belief should be judged by the Old Testament. And as far as the Virgin Birth and the prophecies and details of the Resurrection are concerned, I leave it to the individual to choose the faith or reject them. I prefer to focus on the inner thoughts of Jesus anyway. but oh well that was just someone's opinion.

anyway yes its been ages since i last updated, lots of things have happened; started school, quit my band, stopped going to church.. seems my life's going downhill from here.

i've really alot to say about my feelings and answer some of your questions as to why i've stop going to church, why am i running away from the religon i was brought up in.

well i guesse its really hard to explain to you, there are alot of reasons, things that has happened, things which i've seen and heard. it just made me think.

i really don't know how to explain my feelings on this matter u can say im just running away for the time being.

2006-03-19T18:45:00.000+08:00

have u found your rabbit today?

rabbit is an indescribable feeling.

a kind of silly happiness that leaves you dumbfounded for the entire day.

a spontaneous split second that changes your whole life's events.

rabbit heightens your senses, presents new perspectives,

tempts you to destroy preconceived mindsets,challenges you to relearn your experiences

rabbit redefines the meaning of your thoughts and surroundings,

re-orientates existing value system and leaves you HIGH.

so have u found your rabbit?

2006-02-14T17:28:00.002+08:00

[[[[[HEAR ME rock concert]]]]]

Hear us, Hear them Bring an end to child sex tourism Come and make a difference February 17th (Next Friday) 7pm-10pm

Aim: To raise awareness for human rights abuse. (i.e. the poor children in our region who are subjected to child sex tourism)

This is a collaboration with the charity group AWARE (http://www.blogger.com/). The Association of Women for Action and Research is the first and currently the only advocacy group dedicated to promoting gender equality and understanding in Singapore.

Where: Main hall @ UWCSEA 1207 Dover Road Singapore (139654) Close to ACS (Independent) Nearest MRT is Dover

Bands: -Auburn's Epiphany -West Grand Boulevard -SweetRepurcussion Tickets: $5 (includes free bag of chips & a soda)

@@All profits go to the Global Concerns Projects fund at UWCSEA. @@

2006-01-21T18:10:00.000+08:00

i asked myself these few questions,
as Christians are we

1) farmers that must plow, sow the seed, and water the ground. Matthew 13:3-8; Isaiah 28:24

2) preachers that must proclaim the Word. Romans 10:13-15

3) ambassadors that help lead sinners to be reconciled to Christ. II Corinthians 5:17-20; 1 Thessalonians 2:4
yet. i found something which really interested me.

A. Although Christ certainly evangelized and established His church, He never built what we would call a "big" church during His ministry. It was not His immediate intention to do so. His goal was to leave behind twelve men that could do what He had done, and reproduce it on a world-wide scale until He returned.

B. In the establishment of New Testament churches, Paul the apostle understood and taught this principle when he said, 'And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also." (II Timothy 2:2). The command being that, what you have learned and lived, now must be taught to someone else!!!

C. Jesus said, "teaching them to observe all things... "This is not primarily to be from the pulpit, but rather by way of a personal, people-oriented process, one on one! It is an attitude, a biblical precept and a way of life.

question is, ' is this our Dicipliship Place ? 'Questions are to be asked and to be anwsered. Someone enlighten me please.

2006-01-13T18:59:00.000+08:00

thailand was a blast; a learning experience with the ' brotherhood '

france was freezing cold.. Had fun here and there. but definetly not enough

Now im back in singapore. Many things have changed; some good, some bad.
Its time for change.
He says ' Draw near to me and i will Draw near to you '

here we go again.

2005-12-04T14:11:00.000+08:00

Prom Night 2005

[Your sweet legacy]

I've been flipping through my book of songs,
and i realized that you never escaped a page.
Every line that bleeds from this pen carries a thought of you.
A memory, or just the feeling that no matter what I do,
you're with me, in my mind and in my heart.
You're a part of me, and there is nothing we can do to change that.
You're a part of me.Even in my memories,
the ones you love are the first to leave and the pain you try to forget remains.
Eventually it carves a hole in your heart so deep, you bleed to death and
wonder how you ever stood a chance.

2005-11-27T20:42:00.000+08:00

Song of the day : Tiger Lily

we drive tonight,and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives, like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,with the end surely near.and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,and never let go
i'll never let go we round the corner to your house you turned to me and said,"i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,and accept "someday, somehow"as the words that we'll hang from.
and i i don't want to speak these words. '
cause i don't want to make things any worse.
and i don't want to speak these words. '
cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.
why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,i'd turn the car around and runaway
just you and i.

it really means alot to me...

2005-11-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

song of the day

Funeral For A Friend
Juneau

Tied to the testing of wills,
where my heart breaks and spills
Left to the sight of the sky, in your arms I'm defined
Thrown to the wolves in the minds of your enemies,in the minds of your enemies
And I'm stone in the eyes of your foolishness

And I'm nothing more than a line in your book
Yet I'm nothing more than a line in your book
Yet I'm nothing more than a line in your book
Yet I'm nothing more than a line in your book
In your book, in your book
If this is what I'm meant for, no longer interesting

Fall forward to even the score
Just a thought to you

2005-10-24T20:58:00.000+08:00

In transit (For you)
Matchbook romance

ok. I haven't done a proper post in a really long time. Several reasons behind it, i wont divuldge.
anyway i have been spending ALOT of time alone recently. be it going to the beach; or just studying alone. mainly because there's alot of things going thru my mind. Its not icky-picky stuff. The things going thru my mind put either a smile or a frown on my face.

One of the major problem that has been bugging me is my faith, my walk with god. and my place of worship - Charis. I never revealed this to anyone. But i will now as i have made my decision. Or i think i have. I have been contemplating to leave charis and go to another church. One which i dont know anyone there. Reasons because i think i have lost my focus when i attend charis. I have lost what im supposed to do when i attend church. To worship and learn more about him. Instead its become a sort of comfort zone. Week in week out i go for cell, service and i dont learn anything new. Maybe its because im not listening half the time or i dont listen properly. Thats not the point. Even if i do make the effort whenever i go back i feel stale. i feel used. I tend to think i go to church as a place to get away from it all. A place to hang-out with my friends. A place to have fun. But thats not what going to church is for. Of course these are the plus points but the main purpose is GOD. i feel i have lost that purpose.
This has affected both my spiritual walk and my own personal life. Everythings a mess now. Well. i did some deep thinking. and i sort of realized that the problem was in me, whether if i wanted to make the effort or not. i have made my decision for now to stay in charis. Commiting this problem to him was my final decision. I'll see how it goes.

Another of my problems is pretty personal which i woundlt reveal. Close friends would know. Most of the time spent alone is spent thinking about this problem. I'm still confused over it. But i think i'll figure it out. Most probally it'll figure out itself. Time will tell.

anyway back to mugging. Something completly new to me. i never knew it could be so much fun!

2005-10-08T21:45:00.000+08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		63%
Stability		73%
Orderliness		33%
Accommodation		43%
Interdependence		56%
Intellectual		23%
Mystical		36%
Artistic		70%
Religious		30%
Hedonism		30%
Materialism		50%
Narcissism		50%
Adventurousness		56%
Work ethic		23%
Self absorbed		50%
Conflict seeking		30%
Need to dominate		30%

Romantic		63%
Avoidant		16%
Anti-authority		56%
Wealth		43%
Dependency		36%
Change averse		56%
Cautiousness		36%
Individuality		56%
Sexuality		63%
Peter pan complex		56%
Physical security		70%
Physical Fitness		84%
Histrionic		43%
Paranoia		50%
Vanity		70%
Hypersensitivity		36%
Female cliche		30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

is this true? you decide.

2005-09-11T20:54:00.000+08:00

A Vacant Affair
how about enough

im gonna start off right. and im glad to say that this week has been one of the best in the recent weeks.
Cell meeting on sat was wonderful. For a moment i had the inking feeling that our youth ministry was going stale, with no direction and stuff. but on sat god's presence was upon us. He came down, opened up our eyes reminding us why we are called Xciting Saints.

because we're excited for god. We are excited about him. We want to tell others about him. Then Patricia brought up a point, that though we are ' excited ' about him in our OWN ministry itself, there are many MANY youths from other churches who are MORE exciting than us. and the reason is that they are hungry for god. period.
they want to know more, they have that burning desire. im sure many of us have the same desire, who wouldnt want to be in the presence of the lord? to know more? but the question pat asked as was what are we doing about it. are we just sitting back and waiting for something good to happen?
she gave a very good illustration

take it that its chinese new year. you go to your grandparents place. hungry. expecting to eat all the chinese new year goodies. chocolates, bah kua, candy etc. then u eat eat eat eat eat. eat until your very full. thus your craving is satisfied. But as you know CNY visitation must go all the relative's place etc right? so when u go there. there is EXCATLY the same food there. but your craving was satisfied. u wouldnt want it anymore.
question is how do we sustain this craving for god?
think about it.

today, during our sermon. the topic was about worship in the new covenant. is our realationship with god affected by the cultural norms that we live in now? Does it affect the traditional ways of an intimate relationship with him.
Do the culture surrounding us make it more difficult to have that burning hunger to get to know him better.
to me, yes i think so. Like once again, during our cell meeting, once's cravings are satisfied. u have no need for it anymore. should this be how we walk with god. just come to church for that ' wonderful worship ' and once its over we're back to our usual selfs.
it all boils down to yourself.

2005-09-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

Wait for me, and I'll return
Only wait very hard
Wait when you are filled with sorrow...Wait in the sweltering heat
Wait when the others have stopped waiting,Forgetting their yesterdays.
Wait even when from a far no letters come to you
Wait even when others are tired of waiting...And when friends sit around the fire,
Drinking to my memory, Wait, and do not hurry to drink to my memory too.
Wait. For I'll return, defying every death. And let those who do not wait say that I was lucky.
They will never understand that in the midst of death,
You with you waiting saved me.Only you and I know how I survived.
It's because you waited, as no one else did.

got this off someone's blog. its for all you chums going to army
cheers. : D

2005-08-08T20:16:00.000+08:00

Half the man i used to be
Nirvana

Festival of Praise was really good. To be there worshiping god with DELIRIOUS and HILLSONG. wow, a night i'll never forget. ok firstly over the past weeks, my life havent excatly been fufilling.
be it my spiritual staleness, or my realationship with my parents. both equally bad.

But yesterday while reading the bible i came across this verse,

'Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts, boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 9:23-24).

Let's face it, being a Christian means nothing if we do not really know God. None of us change all at once. It's always a continual process and if i slip or mess up, i can just ask God to forgive you. If i go to a party that i know i shouldnt go, i ask God to forgive me and i wont go there again. Or if i go to a movie that deep down inside i know is not appropriate for meto watch, i will repent and not watch these kind of movies again.
but i sometimes wonder if god will stop forgiving in the end. will he keep forgiving if i do the same thing again and again and again and again.
well. i believe he wil.

During FOP, the message was on reaching the masses around the world. to take that step and intiative to make believers out of non-christian. But thinking about it, the truth is, thousands getting saved doesn't mean a thing if these people just go on living their lives as they always did.
this is constantly happening everywhere. What about just saving one and mentoring that person? Discipling to put it is something we don't hear about much, yet i believe its the key to a nuturing realtionship with god.
example given, me and andy.

2005-07-24T19:32:00.000+08:00

Senses Fail
Bite to break the skin

There's no word to describe how im feeling right now.
It's as though everything inside me just withered and died over a period of 1 week.
It's as though all the happiness have been sucked out of me by some unknown force.
Everything i do now seems so dull. Nothing's fun anymore. i need to be in a state of euphoria once again.

Even my spritual walk has hit a wall. I've become stagnant to put it bluntly. no desire to grow, yet feeling miserable staying at this ' level ' . i need the joy back in my life. perhaps is school stress. or maybe stress at home. i cant tell. i wouldnt say my relationship with my parents have gotten any better.
though i feel happy when-ever im out of the house. How long will it last. Even with my friends - smile smile. i can't even tell if im enjoying myself, or purely just pretending to have fun. lying to myself.
god. i actually thought ive passed the emo stage in my life.
i have no motivation to study, no motivation to do anything. I cant even start a proper conversation with my parents without it errupting into a argument. its as though i cant live peacefully in my house anymore.
or is it just my imagination.

Sonic fest is coming this week. im part of the crew this time. yet there's no enthuasim inside of me. This is something i've been looking forward to for such a long time. why must this happen. why must it happen now.
is this some kind of sick birthday present from some voodoo priest far far away. to suck all the happiness out of me. sigh
at least i still have my sarcasm, joy joy.

perhaps i really need time to just be alone.
yeah, maybe i just need to BE alone..

2005-07-20T18:27:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: July 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene.
The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher.
You are very responsible and capable.

This is an attractive and an attracting influence.
You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it.
You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research.

You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes.
This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup.
You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2005-07-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

[ noise and kisses ]

Look in my eyes I'm jaded now whatever that means
by sharing these things I rip my heart out
it's worth my time whatever that means
hard to see up my neck feels stiff until I wake up
the orange I choked and back to my neck
it's worth my time whatever that means

share with me because I need it right now
let me see your insides or write me off because I'd rather starve now if you won't open up

and it's all in how you mix the two and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it should've done something but I've done it enoughby the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you
and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

think it's just another emo song.
still it does have meaning.
enough said.

2005-06-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

Matchbook romance
My eyes burn

Did some thinking recently. Quite alot of things came to my mind. I'll talk about it later.
Last saturday was andy's farewell. Quite a happy/solemn affair as a friend, a good leader and my mentor would be leaving XS for further studies TCC.
On one hand, im really happy that he has finally achieved what he was yearning for over the years i've know him as a friend and mentor.
But im equally sad, or more afraid then sad. There was this period when people came up to give messages or thanksgiving to andy, i went up myself but i felt that i didnt really say what i wanted to say.

Andy honestly speaking has been one of the pillar's in my life. What i am now is partially thanks to him. Under andy's mentorship i believe i have grown alot. both mentally and spriitually. Its really interesting to look at thing's thru andy's perspective. As for him, he always thinks what would god do if i was faced with this problem. till know i still cant do that. or i wont think of that when faced with a problem. As im typing this many memories are being played like a movie in my mind now. All the fun times be it WE8 or just plain lunch, the intriguing conversations be it about girls, god, personal problems and of course our favourite topic - SOCCER.

yes. it sounds as though u had just passed away or ill never see andy again right. nah. hah. its not that. i guesse its FEAR.
FEAR because when he leaves i wont have a mentor anymore. its as though one pillar have been removed from my foundation. Now i have one less person to rely on.
i know andy that you've told me not to worry, that god would send someone to guide me as i move into a different phase of my life. but i guesse its only natural for me to start worrying. Andy has helped me through alot of though times in my life, many up's and downs. Many of my questions and doubts - he always finds time to answer.

i guesse this post is just about thanking andy for everything which's he's done for me.
yes im gonna miss my mentor :) wishing you all the best at TCC.

anyway is patience a virtue. or is understanding patience a virtue
im not really sure being patient can reap benifits. perhaps its just me. though the bible says that patiences is a virtue. sometimes i do get tired of waiting for things that never happens.
ok generally i have been patient with alot of things like waiting for someone to realize his mistake and change for the better. Or praying for someone who has done something wrong without realizing it. yet nothing happens. i just want to scream sometimes.
I CANT WAIT NO MORE!!! gah. then when i remember the bible i sort of calm down abit but its still difficult. poooooh.

Hebrews 12:1 - Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us

James 5:7 - Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain.

2005-06-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2005-06-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

got this off eve's blog.
very meaningful and full of substance. enjoy

When I say "I am a Christian,"
I am not shouting "I am saved."
I am whispering "I am lost."
That is why I choose this way.
When I say "I am a Christian,"
I do not speak of this with pride.
I am confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.
When I say "I am a Christian,"
I am not trying to be strong.
I am professing that I am weak
and pray for strength to carry on.
When I say "I am a Christian,"
I am not bragging of success.
I am admitting that I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.
When I say "I am a Christian,"
I am not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible
but God believes I am worth it.
When I say "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches,
which is why I seek His name.
When I say "I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I am loved.

2005-06-20T20:02:00.000+08:00

Sonic Flood
Better is one day

alright. finnaly im gonna write an entry on what ive been doing. the week has been the best of the holidays so far. had a camp on pulau ubin, jammed with my band, did the first practice for our single ' flawed '.

anyway during this week i was able to talk to some people. which i say was quite enlightening. talked with dennis, elissa and a few other people about different things. It sort of also gave me time to reflect, especially during the camp on pulau ubin. as i was team leader, i had the most time alone. the team leaders didnt do much btw. so i did my own thinking.
came to realize some things that have changed about me.
1) im not that rash anymore.
2) i dont get flustered that easily anymore
3) im more open about alot more things now
4) my mom has a harder time pissing me off now.

ignorance is bliss.
well, school's reopening next week and i cant say i did much revision over the holidays. for one, the holidays have really been a HOLIDAY for me. i studied like 1/3 of what i intended too?
i aint no last minute study kia. so this spells trouble. guesse i better pull up my socks.
perhaps its time hah. like finally.

anyway, talking to god has never been more fun. lately ive been talking to him as though im talking to an invisible friend. and i must say its fun fun fun. worship practice on sunday was great. it was like the songs were chosen for a purpose. to remind of something i cant quite place yet. either way i really enjoyed the practice. it's been awhile since i've actually felt while playing for worship.

better is one day in his courts indeed.

2005-06-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-06-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

FLAWED. self-composed!

VERSE 1
jamie.
i miss her already
i just want to feel her hand in mine.
to remember that touch that kiss that u gave the smile that you flashed.
cause kissing you's like falling in love when im ten.
right now this feelings amok in me
this is nothing i could ever fathom
that look you gave me before you left
will forever be etched in memories

PRE-CHOROUS:
onto that plane you fly away.
to another place away from here.
so now is your time
your choice to make
just seize this one chance take it or leave it.
theres no turning back.....

CHOROUS 1:
why do u leave me here
at the very cross-roads that we met
to contemplate that thought and to know your faults
cause now i know what you hoped for
some longer good-byes embracing forever that look in your eyes
though I'm beggin you,
I'm begging you
there is no need to test my heart

VERSE 2 :
Though i wasnt happy though
i wasnt secure
though i always had that feeling to just end it all
you gave me that chance to make everything worth while
I should not be suprised should have seen it sooner
you still expect me to apologize for things ive never done.
why do u ask me to bleed.
to bleed
to bleed.

PRE-CHORUS 2:
Since you've drawn out the line againt
here you go with hopes again.
you think i'll be leaving in the end
i guesse it wont be then you've been burnt more than once
your obviously FLAWED yet you dont think much of trust
too late.

CHOROUS 2:

That night i'll never forget
your goodnight kiss robbed of passion,
your grip is weak as though its fake
it leaves me feeling empty
your lies wont work
ve seen through it.
not an iota of regret im moving on
go on. go away. no regrets for me to say
ive made my decision...

BRIDGE
I WANTED YOU HERE
BY MY SIDE THROUGHT THE COLD NIGHTS THAT PASS US BY
THE ONLY GIFT THAT I EVER NEEDED
WAS YOU
WAS YOU
WAS YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Faith.

2005-06-04T00:29:00.000+08:00

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PAGARÉ con mi vida por ello.ign="center">

Si alguien tiene una cura
Para este terrible mal del alma
Por favor remítase al barrio
Del olvido, calle oscura, número seis.
PAGARÉ con mi vida por ello.

2005-06-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

Your #1 Match: ENTP

The Visionary
You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.
You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

What's" Your Personality Type?

2005-06-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

Waking Ashland
Hands On Deck

Im reading a book titled ' How Can I Know What God Wants Me To Do?
very intresting, not only it helps with my daily quietime it also causes me to ponder deeply about certain things which were left unawnsered.

The book is very well versed in anwsering these questions. (: such a good buy
One thing that caught my eye was the ways people try to get gods attention,apparently according to the book there are many many ways which people have tried.
Our lives can be changed forever by just one decison. Add to that the tension of wanting to please God. Desiring to make the most of our lives for him.
No concered Christian like myself wants to choose someting other than God's best.
The methods have been many. Like what i said earlier.

People have tried all kinds of tactics to determine what god wants them to do.
Be it fleeces(asking god for a supernatural sign)
fasting(giving up on food to seek god), flipping coins(leaving the decison to a gamble), delegating(letting others decide for us) or even sliding(taking the path of least resistance)
The confusion has been multiplying!! recently a pastor friend of mine shared with my friends and i that the consequences of our new decisons are often complex. Therefore we need to gain a clear understanding of how God expects us to find our way through life.Pooh! how complex. Dunnoe if im lucky to get all my anwsers in such a short period of time, giving the past events that has taken place. *grin

2005-05-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

until now i STILL DONT undestand why people like to ask rethorical questions.
take for example a mother asking her child if he/she wants to go for dinner with their cousins.
firstly there's only one anwser she wants to her. which is yes.

in the first place why even ask.
now i move on i tend to ask myself if im bought? do people stick around me for a reason. today during school i was given a good 2 hours to think. will have the same amount of time for the next few days. good luck to u chinese o'level takers. may u get so stress that u die. xD
forget about thinking that im bought. why did i even say that.

sigh. the politics of life. people vy to find their reasons in life. love? security? bullshit.
so many hypocritical people now a days that i cant even tell if their sincere or not. i used to be able to tell the difference between sincere of being a hypocrite. i think all hypocrites have attended a course on how to look sincere but be hypocritical at the same time. all a bunch of lies. take for example some of my fellow school mates in school.
Hi im a christian. I love god. I follow his word. You are bad. You do alot of bad things. Your a sinner.
hmm. dont believe me? i assure you. i've seen people behaving like that. they even have the nerve to come and judge me in my face. accuse me of not acting like a christian. who the hell are u to judge me?

basically i know one such person -X
i use to look up to him. honestly whatever i listen to, my influences are all thanks to him. but X wasnt flawless. so as i found out. As he realized i was moving on. moving on my own. becoming INDEPENDENT. what does that sonofabitch do? start lying about me in his futile attempts to bring me down.
if your reading this i really hope u know its YOU. stop acting so fucking childish. for fuck's sake i use to look up to you. its time to grow up. im not living in your shadow anymore. hohoho u can go on and say who introduce u to this, blah blah blah. i dun care. thanks for your help. now fuck off.
gah.
forget it. time to zone into the realitys of life. the politics of life. i failed 4 out of 7 subjects. yay. self-study time. another beautiful way to waste my time. i cant wait for sat. got to find some excuse not to be in school. i dun really fancy the idea of getting gan by my teacher infront of my parents. tsk tsk.

::song of the day::
On the way home
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.
This weather.The wind outside is biting.
It has left me feeling tired & exposed.
You've been asking me to bleed.
It seems these kinds of question come too easy to you now.
Your lack of shame comes naturally.

I should not be surprised.
I should have seen it sooner.
You expect me to apologize for things that you've done wrong.
While you're inciting others.
You're owning up to nothing and I wish that I was gone,because you're not going anywhere.
This damp air is fighting my defroster.
My sighs they ring victorious& fog this tinted glass.
It's clouded & so is my head.The hint of these new tears are sharp.
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless.I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.

2005-05-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: The Charismatic

You're beyond seductive, you're downright magnetic!You life live and approach seduction on a grand scale.You have an inner self confidence and energy that most people lackIt's these talents that make you seem extraordinary - and you truly are!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

LOL. FUNNY.

2005-05-01T19:42:00.000+08:00

Jeremy Camp - Lay Down My Pride

Every single word I say
You know it before I speak
You know every thought the deepest part of me
You draw me closer than I see
Your presence is every thing I need to be the child that you've created me to be
I'm ready now to see it your way

I lay down my pride
My desidres my demise
I'm ready now to see it your way
I'm done I'm through ignoring you
Now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride

I was faced with passing time but I knew the choice was mine
To finally come to you and give you all control
I've wandered miles to find my way and then you revealed this simple faith
I know that you can see the secrets of my soul

The cross
The blood you shed for me
Your back was ripped and bruised so I can know your love
I kneel I bow to you my King

2005-04-25T18:34:00.000+08:00

Relient K - More Than Useless

I feel like, I would likeTo be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trival, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at allBut then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something rightDo something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me Doing anything of any consequence
Without me Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

2005-04-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

After all the events that has happened recently, giving myself time to think and be alone.
The same question repeats itself.
Why do we always look inwards to ourselevs asking for evidence of a god. Why do we do that. is it moral conscience? why is there moral conscience in every human being.
Why is it that we somehow know what is right to do and are burdened with shame when we fail to do it? Could there not be an ultimate goodness to which our human nature responds to?
Ive lots of questions unanwsered. I still ponder.

Why every human being of whatever race and culture becomes a worshipping creature when he matures. Let it be rock idols, trees, buddha or even god himself. What made us like that. why is our human nature born to be a praying and worshiping creature.
Ultimately humans have no proof or argument in the bible that there is a god. The bible simply assumes that god exist. Ultimately, thanks to a close friend of mine, he reminded me that we have to accept god's existance by faith rather then by proof.
But does that still mean that the existence of god is a unreasonable one.I have come across much false thinkings about god. Some people think of him like a traffic cop, who is always watching and waiting to catch us for a sin we commited. Yet there are many others who still feel that god is as distant and unknowable 'alien'
Yet in much the same way, in my belief of god is a 'distant knowledge' rather then personal one. Maybe im wrong.Yet im constanly being exposed to the teachings of god. Be it in school or in church. After all i can say that im still young, use it as an excuse. Thats all i have to say for the time being. Thats all thats running through my head. after all, shit happens and i can only blame myself.

I use to wonder if god will neglect us after we sin and sin and sin.
Everyone, including myself sin everyday. If its not the use of vulgarities or thinking about things we shouldnt think of. I still sin everyday. Will god neglect us after we commit the sin time and again? Though i may have sin my relationship with god is the same.
Righteousness is a gift from god. My relationship with him doesn't depend on what i do everyday but what jesus has done for me. Hmm does that make sense. I cant anwser that at this moment. I always tend to think that our relationship with the father has to be 2 way. I must find out what pleases him, only through his word. The bible. I just dont have the paitence to do my quiet time. Though i know its wrong i still do it. Slap me i say. But still i wont have time. Though im constanlly reminded that When we are in full UNION with him, all we have is from him. and that god always wants to anwser prays, sometimes i get too impatient. Wondering why the hell he didnt anwser my prayers. Oh well i just think im naive again. Maybe its because he thinks i dont deserve what i asked for.

2005-03-19T20:31:00.000+08:00

taking back sunday
cute without the E

was reading daryl's blog just now.
i was pretty upset that i missed the speaker 2 sundays ago. blame it on my lazyness.
according to my friends she touched on some touchy subjects. subjects which spike us to think deeply.

this is an extract from daryl's blog
The question would be... How do I rebel against the world? Where should the lines be drawn. Janet Buchanen says that theres no such thing as a balanced Christian life. If you're looking from the secular perspective, then I think I agree with her. Deep down I sense that its the truth. So do I withdraw from these things? To abstain from movies, tv shows, the computer, music...? Things which have a chance to introduce sin?

i would definetly have to agree with what he is thinking. do we really have the discipline to totally abstain from leisures that provoke sin? Violent shows? violent music? is there an physcological effect on us. just yesterday i was chatting with a friend about relationships.
her church doesnt approve of relationships. calling them to abstain. This brings back the topic on wordly wants. Do we have the discipline to prioritize between wordly gains and spiritual needs.
i may not be able to touch on that subject, let alone give my opinion as my bible knowledge is still not quite there. but i do know something. wordly gains are definetly more appealing.

but then again the bible those say that the path of a christian will be fraught with difficulties. from here we can branch out into many topics, from self-discipline to self-awarness.
another extract from his blog

Do I fear that I slip into a state thats irrelevant to the people around me? Fear of insignificance? Fear that by sacrificing these things, I'll turn into some religious dinosaur? Why fear? Because deep down I still place it in a position of importance
i am constanlly hounded by this statement. i keep asking myself what would other people think of me. will they have a different opinion of me when i become more religous? i know there will be many things which i wont be able to do. yet there's we are encourage to become like that. i use to wonder why i give up on my friends? sacrificing my outings with them for church activities. i still do.
i guesse it all boils down to self-disicpline. definetly something which i lack.

2005-03-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

its like finally i decided to update my blog.

everything has been going well. but sometimes i still go back to my old ways.
i guesse old habits do die hard.
Got into my new cell. gloria's my new leader. looking forward to growing in the spirit with the rest of my new cell members. yeah.

anyway. so. first 3 months of the year are almost over. the o's that i have studying 5 fcuking years for are finally here. yet i dont feel stress. i dont feel the urge/need to study. i ponn remedial like nobody's buisness. lalala.

I NEED MOTIVATION DAMMIT !!

i seriously do.

my first term progress report was the worst i ever got. failed all my subs. except art and english.
laugh all you want. but thats what u get for not studying.

anyway was doing my bs(bible-study) the other night. and i came across a topic on asking forgivness. -sinner's prayer.
and it brought back many questions which i had. about asking for forgivness after repeating the same mistake over and over again. yet the bible says that he will forgive.
i guesse its only human nature to not ask for forgivness. not that i dont want too. but perhaps im just sort of ' embarrassed ' to ask for forgiveness after reapeating my mistaking again and again.
its the same with the word ' sorry '. like if we keep doing it again and again the word sorry has no meaning anymore.

come to think of it. i think we just say it out of politeness.

2005-02-16T21:04:00.000+08:00

The time has finally come.
the time to stop running away and face my fears.
running away doesnt make things any better.
in fact it makes things worst.

how am i going to do it.
he knows that i have neglected him.
yet i know he's willing to take me back just like a lost sheep.
will i be able to have the discipline to walk with him.
will i be disciplined enough to read his word daily.

each step i make must be a step of faith
but each step i make now is a step further away.
its definetly not easy. it never was.
i just pray everything will go as plan
i just pray that god will handle everything once i commit it all to him.

2005-02-03T21:11:00.000+08:00

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all part of the choices that you make
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But we sing If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing If it's not enough
And we sing Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

sounds kind of common doesn't it. certain things are just so hard to forget. certain things are definetly impossible to change alone.
going back to my old ways is my one stop destination for fun. but will i enjoy it. will it last. i question myself.

i question myself

2005-01-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
With these lights off as these wheels keep rolling on and on.
Slow things down or speed them up. Not enough or way too much.
How are you when I'm gone?

And I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is gone .
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.You know you do, you kill me well.You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

2005-01-18T18:41:00.000+08:00

tia reminded me of this song. i find it VERY appealing.

Your good intentions slowly turn to bitterness
Reoccurring episodes with each and every kiss
i can tell you're going through the motions
figured you were writing out your part once again
we're playing off emotions which one of us will burn until the end.

Catalyst you exist to pull me down,
YOU CONTRADICT THE FACT THAT YOU STILL WANT ME AROUND

2005-01-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

Pouring over photographs.
I'm living in your letters.
Breathe deeply from this envelope
it smells like you and
I can't be without that scent.
It's filling me with all you mean to me.

2005-01-11T18:32:00.000+08:00

the clique
Good Charlotte.

first of all the first week of school has been hell.
i need to adjust myself back to schooling as soon as possible. Headstart tests are killing me for the time being.
anyway my week has been plauged by trouble after trouble. arguments and quarrels. rigged with emotions and anger.

i neglected god for a while and i paid the price. it seems that if u tell yourself that u will skip spending time with god for just one day, leads to a chain of events. Its really bad. i feel horrible. i have no self control, no desire to do anything. i feel its time to come back. yest i spent time alone in my room with my music blasting, doing a little self-relfection.
self-reflection over certian issues in my life. Just the other day my lovable sister ruth posted an intresting topic that should cause many of us christians to think about. at first i thought she was wrong. but now the more i think of it i agree that as christians we should walk the talk. and not just talk.
we are god's people. how can we be ourselves, sinful, on everyother day and go to church and be holy. the thought of it makes me sick. Sunday christians, thats what a pastor told me once. hyporcrites just like the pharises.

i cant say i have been holy. walking the talk everyday. i admit, i plead guilty to being a ' fake ' at certain times. believe me that if you continue, u will be the one at risk. not the others. for people who dont walk the talk commits a greater sin that non-christians. we know whats right to put it very frankly.

over the week i have been taught a simple and straightforward message. if u neglect god. ure life will be in a mess. maybe its just me.
but i really need you father.

(: cya

2005-01-04T21:07:00.000+08:00

carosoul
Blink182

ok. school has began to a ok start. the year 2005 has began to an ok start. hard to imagine a full year just went past just like that. i believe it wont be long before the o's hit me right smack in my face.
grr

anyway the year ended on a sombre tone. the tsunami disaster. if u dont know what im talking about. i would really have a bad impression of you. anyway i have headstart tests next week and god knows how much i know. i havent touched a pen or book since school closed. thats pretty long ago.
I have decided to quit BAKERS. THAT SPASTICAL SHIT HOLE. i can stand it anymore lah. i got to move on to greener pastures.

ok. i suppose i got off to a good start by committing the year with a communion. Committing everything into god's hands. knowing that i can do all things thru christ who strengthens me. I wouldnt say it'll be easy, we the temptations all around me. but i will try my best. afterall im not perfect. ok damn.
wrong time to blog. got to go eat dinner.

seeya.

I am the bread of life
He who comes to me will never go hungry,
and we who believes in me will never thirst.
John6:35

2005-01-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

boys and girls
good charlotte

alright 2005 just came by with a big bang. somehow its not the same anymore.
the countdown this year was done 27 mins late. due to a solemn watchnight service in prayer of the tsunami victims.

chiangmai trip was fun no doubt. but somehow i didnt feel satisfied with the trip. i don't know. maybe it takes time.

dont really feel like blogging.
first day of school today. once again the same ole blues are back.
oh well. 2004 has past. all problems solved or unsolved are now in a past.

a clean slate awaits me to vandalize on this year.
oh boy. good luck to me.

2004-12-22T13:14:00.000+08:00

jesus please help me. i have lost control of my life once again.

i cant keep running away.

2004-12-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

7 points! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

2004-12-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

Jesus Generation

i really dont know if this a test from god. a trial or tribulation just after elpizo.
it just that after elpizo i have faced many problems at home. mainly from my parents. questioning my behaviour and asking me questions which i cannot answer.

everytime i come home i will be arrowed with questions like where have you been. what have u been doing. when i clearly state in the morning where i'll be later on in the day. I now know what andy meant during the camp. it seemed so easy to follow god's words during the camp as it is a christian envioronment. but outside camp its completly different. esp at home and with friends. its just hard to have a mindset on god and god only.
jesus please help me.

now my biggest task at home is to convince my dad to come to church. From all the articles in the newspaper to the christian movements in singapore, he isnt quite convinced that christians are really christians and not acting. and my behavior sometimes doesnt help. im really feeling kinda down and confused at the moment as i just had this arguement with my dad about church and stuff. i just pray that god will clear my mind and give me strength and endurance to overcome this dark event in my life.

please lord. give me strength.
please.

2004-12-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

seek the kingdom of righteouness and all these things willbe given unto you as well.

this verse keeps replaying in my mind. cool. (:

ELPIZO!!

2004-12-11T01:34:00.000+08:00

XSCAPADE ELPIZO '04

it was totally fun! wowwee zippy doo deee pow wow FUN!
elpizo was great. no words to describe! pictures are coming soon!!
anyway. to be honest i never knew it would have turned out like that. i went to camp with a heavy heart, no wanting to expect too much from my team. I was already stressed out the previous week with rehearsals, worship practices and getting everything done for my team. yet i presevered. thanks to god! amen.

i shall never forget our theme verse.

' for i know the plans i have for you. plans to prospere you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ' jem 29:11

anyway, my team CADBURY!! came in second overall. we lost points during the special night. but still im very proud of u guys.! i never expected you guys to be so ' raa raa ' but u all really proved me wrong. im pround of you guys! through out the camp i was touched both spiritually and physically by the people around me. be it in encouragement or praying for me. it really really helped alot.

especially mega-praise, which was fantastic. everything flowed smoothly. the spirit was there, the music was good. i just couldnt control my tears from flowwing. everything was falling into space. even the ministering done by andy was good. anyway im really tired now. dont want to burn out as there are many more things to come.

thank you father for making it possible!

agape!! lalalala spiritually higgghhhh!!!

2004-11-30T19:51:00.000+08:00

pissed. im so dissapointed with myself. my chance all gone because of me. because of me!!. im feeling so fustrated now that if i could,
ill bash the shit out of me.

fuck

2004-11-29T21:57:00.000+08:00

Sleep with all the lights on.
You're not so happy.You're not secure.
You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,
but you're plastic just like everyone.
You're just like everyone.And that face you paint is pressedimpressing
most of us as permanent and I'd like to see you undone.
College night will draw the crowds.
Dorms unload & your heading out.Here is your moment to shine.
Making up a history.It's nothing from the life you leadbut man, will they buy all your lines
.Sleep with all the sheets off bearing your mattress bearing your soul.
And you're dying to look smooth with your tattoos
but you're searching just like everyone could be anyone.
And the friends that you have are the best impressing most of us as permanent
and I'd like to see you undone.

Youth's the most unfaithful mistress.Still we forge ahead to miss her.
Rushing our moment to shine.Making up a history,It's nothing from the life you lead
but man will they buy all your lines.We're not twenty-one,but the sooner we are
,the sooner the fun will begin,
so get out your fake eyelashes,
and fake i.d's,& real disasters ensue,it's cool to take these chances
.It's cool to fake romances& grow up fast.

2004-11-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

Planet Shakers
You are holy

ok. since yesterday my body has been rigged with cramps. im living in a body where the brain is wide awake! but the body is sluggish. oh sigh.

my programme today was really packed. not giving myself time to rest. i went thru the day with uncomfortable cramps. woke up at 1pm and rushed to church for the chiang mai meeting. everyone was late as usual. grrr had a
' ok ' time of worship led by joel. didnt really enjoy it as it was short and there was not enough ' time' to actually feel god's presence there.
But that was all accounted for when pat lead us into a time of prayer. It was great! fabulous!! amazing! i could really feel the holy spirit working there. His wisdom and strength showered upon us. it was just amazing. Something else happend which i shall not disclose. what i witnessed, i was just lost for words.

after the meeting we went for our outing. to a little part of singapore not-known to many. The golden mile complex. Singapore's very own little thailand. I had a good time there. learning how to say different words in thai. and we even went around asking people to translate john 3:16 (which was in thai) for us to understand. it was really fun.
went back to church for my youth camp rehearsal. here stef gave me a good run-down on how my character should be potrayed. i thank her for the insightful talk.

im really looking forward to tml as ill be bringing my friend to charis! yes. she'll be there during 2nd service. as for the worship i commit it into god's hand. i believe he will see us through it.

will lift my eyes to the hills, my help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth
psalms 121 1:2

2004-11-20T02:45:00.000+08:00

My chemical romance
Im not okay

god i love that song. anyway just came back from my 2nd consecutive midnight show with stef, elissa and barny. and i watched exactly the same show again. The incredibles.
Never ceases to put a smile on my face. its humour and wit is just overwhelming. anyway thanks to barny who treated me to the movie. oh bunny bunny. yes im sounding gay but so what.

anyway many things happened today. many unexpected things. firstly was my trial at Geylang United Club. i went in not even having the slightest hope of making it to the next round. but surprisingly i made it. i must say the whole trial thingy gave me a completly new experience. one which i shall treasure and remember.
after the trial i met barny and went to church. there the most perculiar thing happened. the moment i stepped into church i was greeted by ' you are late!! '.
to my surprise there was a meeting that i didnt even know about. i ended up going to prayer meeting without bathing. i felt totally uncomfortable.

To me, prayer meeting was good. it sort of spoke to me. earlier b4 the meeting linette was speaking on how we shouldnt judge people by their looks. or should i say ' first impression ' . from this i guesse god was trying to speak to me. im the kind of guy where first impression really matters. that has got to change when i go to chiang mai. during prayer meeting i got the chance to recieve the blessings of the holy spirit again. i got baptised last year during the camp but i didnt put it to lose and i sort of ' lost ' it. today i got the chance again to be baptised but i didnt take it. I really duno why as i was praying throughou, asking god for a way. Is it fear? definetly not. i have nothing to fear. but after much thought i think it was fear. not fear of people laughing or that kind of fear. but fear of myself.

i am not shy to admit that im not strong enough to take that step of faith. mainly due to my fear that ill scumbbed to temptation again. frankly speaking im afraid of screwing up again. i do not believe that i am strong enough to recieve the baptisim of fire. tell me if im wrong.

oh well i believe i'll get the chance again when im stronger and when i have a closer intimacy with god. hopefully during XSelpizo.
tml or should i say later i have many things.
1) chiang mai meeting 2) XSyouth camp rehearsal 3) Kyer's party at rouge.
not really sure i'll be going but i shall try my best.

ciao :)

2004-11-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Furtherseemsforever
Pride wars

alright. im back to updating again. Ive been really busy this week with preperation and rehearsals and stuff. will kinda give a outline of my week later on.
This week i suppose my boss decided to give me some days to rest. will only be workin 1 more this week which will be on sunday. i really do need to rest. my days are plauges with lethargy and constant yawning. sigh the lack of sleep has taken its toll on me.

oh well. time passes so quickly that its already coming to the 3rd week of novemeber. im so excited because that means XSelpizo is just around the corner!! admist the excitement in me there is a certain factor which causes me to worry. We have yet to even perfect the youth play. only 3 weeks more to go. rawwrs!

This sunday i would be playing for worship. Im quite afraid of messing up as our last practice was really messy. It was just noise. i couldnt hear the music. i don't know if its me but ah-tom told me its because i haven't blended with my fellow band mates. It takes time he says. I guesse i have to agree with him. afterall i only have been playing with that group of people for about 4weeks. so im still kind of fresh.
I played tennis yesterday. after playing for awhile i realized how rusty i was. its been 4 weeks since i've been in the court and i suck already. i guesse its my fault. i have really neglected playing sports since my exams ended. One of my resolutions is to hit the gym again. i can feel the flabbyness in my stomach already.
oh well. can say im looking forward to a new sport as after their o's, kyer, ruth and cheryl will join me for wakeboarding classes! a sport which i have always wanted to try. weeee!

well. im too lazy to continue but heres a verse which im claiming. came across it yest while doing quiet time.

' As it is written For your sake we face death all day long, we are considered sheep to the slaughter.No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loves us. for i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, will be able to seperate us from the love of god that is in Christ Jesus our lord '
Romans 8 : 36-39

2004-11-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

sims 2 is a crappy game...

2004-11-13T01:29:00.000+08:00

Sum41
What were're all about

first off i would like to wish a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dearest friend EMELIA!!

your finally 17. there are lots of things ahead for you. =)

anyway. work today was uber tiring. i went to work sick. and i worked full shift though i was coughing and sniffing man. hope i didnt pass any virus to anyone. bleah. just came back from stef's suprise party. though it wasn't a suprise any more when i arrived. sigh. i was late. =/ after that we went for coffee at starbucks. it has been a while since i visited that place.
ahh the aroma of coffee beans. always put a smile on my face.

the weekend will be a very busy one for me. all i hope is that i have a good day of rest tml. i have cell on sat night, it will be held at my place. damn, got to clean up my room again. dont want to be accused of keeping it like a pig's sty. oh ya. i'll be planning worship. Sunday would be quite stressful. worship practice followed by work at baker's. im seriously contmplating to leave. i just dont like the pay. though everyone there is so nice and friendly. i really think the pay is pathetic. i slogg my guts out for full shift and they only pay me a miserable $5 a hour. sigh. at least its better than macdonalds and starbucks. =P

im looking forward to next week though. outing with emelia, joanna and joel. its been awhile since i went out to have fun. gonna let my hair down that day. friday!! chaing mai meeting cum outing to a little thai villange at lavander. bet many of you didnt know that there was a small thai village there ay? its something like a market place. got to familarize myself with the food before i go for my misson trip there. im so excited about it.
lalaalalala. will be getting my pay next week too. i expect it to be at least $200 or ill quit on the spot. i swear. *grins

im feeling quite lazy to type anymore. so thats the end of my entry tonights.
i'll be back tml.

:)

2004-11-11T21:39:00.000+08:00

I will worship you

all i can say is that i have lost control of my emotions. lost control of my anger. and of course neglected my walk with god over the week. its just that i have been working and i have been very busy. i let this allow myself to fall into temptation. neglecting his word and of course committing sin after sin.

I have to get a grip on myself. more self control!! self control!!

anyway we had our first rehearsal for the youth camp's skit. i must say it was fun on one hand but serious on the other hand. throughout the rehearsal we came to a conclusion that the skit has to be funny and enjoyable on one hand, but we must be able to send the message across. its not going to be easy but with god's grace we shall put our best leg forward. My role is satan. yes haha. most of my fellow members laughed and teased me when they realized i would be playing that role. sure it looks easy but its actually not. My character is one of the most important in the whole world as i have to send the message across that hell and satan is not a good place to visit. let alone spend in for eternity. bottemline is this. u dont recieve him as ure lord and saviour. u have a eternity long vacation booked in the pits of hell. have fun. u can tann all day long.

apologize for my sadistic humour but im falling sick now. lack of sleep. lack of exercise has taken its toll on my body. sigh. i finally changed my skin, yes its one way jesus!! our camp theme. it so happened that i stumbled upon it and im so happy. Its such a beautiful song. and its our theme song!! :) thats so great. sigh i wont be able to make it to someone's party tml, shant disclose who it is as its a suprise party but too bad i have to work. rawwr. now this work thing really sucks. hrmph

2004-11-09T16:03:00.000+08:00

i apologize for my outburst yesterday.

couldnt control myself and i pray that i recieve strength not to burst out like this

hopefully things will be worked out tonight.

2004-11-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

omg

fuck you. fuck you and your nonsensical ideologies.
how old do u think i am. 23? 35? working in an established company? earning big bucks everyday?

all im asking is an allowance. an allowance to eat my dinner. u expect me to pay for myself. on grounds that im now working and i should finance myself?

HELLO IM WORKING PART-TIME. PART TIME!!

im paid by the number of days i work. $5 and hour. and u expect me to pay for my food everyday? then WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I WORK FOR? i should just stay home. eat dinner and lunch. DONT WORK! the only reason i work is because i want to use the money to buy the things which i like.

do u know how much it is to eat in town everyday? one meal is close to $8. be it in fast food or foodcourt. i have to eat there everyday, so what $64 a week? my pay is what $200 then i have nothing to spend the rest on. is there sense i ask you?

whats wrong with providing me dinner allowance. its not like we are in a financial situation.

for now i only have one thing in mind.
u dont want to provide me money for my dinner. fine. dont expect me to give u a single cent for whatever which i owe u.

2004-11-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

Fall
Hillsong

alright alright. im back to updating. nw u should all go to the tagboard and say finally.
anyway i havent been updating due to a few reasons.

1) too lazy
2) tired from work
3) too sleepy

oh well. just came back from work. Working at baker's has really given me alot of exposure. i know i have been saying this again and again. but its true.
i have seen alot of funny people while working at baker's. be it butches with their girlfriends. or fags with their boyfriends. they do stupid things that make other people laugh.
blame me for being sterotype. but
I HATE FAGS. I REALLY HATE GAYS.

i really cannot stand them. its just not right. there is this guy in particular. who is a regular customer at baker's. as i see him each day. i keep getting the feeling that he is gay. each time he comes in. he is with a differnet guy. always a different guy. I've never seen him come in with a lady.
Maybe its just me again.

anyway i didnt go to church today. i was just too tired from work last night. i know its not right and i should have gone but i just couldnt drag myself out of bed. time really flies and once again its coming to the end of the year. for me. i have many things to look forward too.
youth camp, my misson trip to chiang mai and many many other things.

it just seemed like yesterday tat i was furiously mugging for my n'levels. talking about it. i dont really give a damn about the n'levels. From the very beginning it was a waste of time. i really hate the way the government grades us. Its all total bullshit. it makes it sound so horrible. it is as though express students are a ' class ' above the rest.

wake up. not every student in NT and NA are as dumb as u put them to be. for what you know they screwed up their exams like me. all it took was 1 mistake and u drop to normal. one mistake and u are streamed into a stream which will make u look like a failure in the eyes of your parents.

that really sucks.

2004-11-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

HawkNelson
Some what before

oh well. i haven blogged for a while now. im just plain lazy again. after all im problem free for now. hopefully it will be a long while.

for now there are just so many good things to look forward to. would like to wish the best of luck to all students taking their O's. Study hard now. we can party after. work has been very tiring so im really stressed out for the time being. Shan't blog anymore. promise that i'll type a lengthy one tml

adios

2004-11-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

bitch i wasn't refering to you
so stop thinking so highly of yourself ! ! !

2004-11-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

What a joy I've found
Since you've filled me with your spirit
You took me and you gave me liberty
What peace I've known
Since you made my heart your home
You changed my life
And now I've been set free

I've got destiny and purpose
I've got everything i need
Cos his love is everlasting
and his spirit sets me free
I've got joy that lasts forever
And a peace you can't concieve
Cos Jesus. he lives inside me

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE OUT THERE TAKING THEIR O's

2004-11-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

Hillsong
Its all about you jesus

indeed lord its all about you jesus. today's worship was fantastic. I really felt god's presence while i was playing. His everlasting love showered upon everyone in the santuary. Praise the lord.

anyway i just came back from work. i couldnt say i enjoyed it. today was a uber boring day. The time passed so slowly. Customers were coming in one by one. Sigh. now im starting to feel the drawbacks of working. Anyway yesterday i had a talk with spike and jeremy about my problems. they did help me out abit by opening my eyes to certain details that i have overlooked. i guesse its really nth wrong to date someone you knew for awhile. But i just have to question myself if im ready for this relationship. i shan't go further into this topic.
My decison on australia still has not been made. Its a really difficult one to make and im sure in the days to come god my jehovah jira will provide me with a solution.
amen

anyway, apart from my talks with those 2 dudes. i had this very long bitching session with someone. dont call it a ' quarrel ' but more like a ' pissed-off ' conversation. Want to know the topic? it was about love. yes.

our friend doesnt believe in true love. afterall the countless relationship she has been and witnessing her parent's split. she has lost the confidence in true love. who is to blame? her father ; for cheating on her mother? or herself.
To me she should blame herself. why the hell should she let her parents split deter her? afterall it should make her stronger. make her assure herself that she wouldnt let herself face this problem in the future. But that was not the case.
To make matters worst. All her previous relationships, i wouldnt say they were very long. Fact is she didnt bother to know the guy well enough. Well enough to have a relationship that will last. dammit. I dont know anyone who goes into a realationship knowing that it'll be a short one. wth? thats completly bullshit.

THEN IN THE FIRST PLACE DONT FUCKING GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP AND START BITCHING ABOUT IT LATER!! WTF!

i apologize about that but that ' motive ' behind a relationship is bullshit. Anyway after that conversation i told myself that i wouldnt be bothered anymore. why should i care? \
afterall my warnings and explanations all fall on deaf ears.

2004-10-30T10:36:00.000+08:00

Hoobastank
Crawling in the dark

i woke up so damn early again. i guesse im in the mood of blogging. damn. woke up at about 10 and suddenly had this craving for katong laksa. Thus i ended up dragging my feet out of the house to get myself a bowl of laksa. *pouts

anyway i didnt get much sleep last night. im feeling so lethargic now.
didnt get enough sleep mainly because there were many problems plauging my mind.
firstly would have to be my australian trip. i still cant make a decision.
secondly would be my walk with god. i believe the devil. is trying to get me back on the wrong track. but i shall try my best to resists him. after all the bible quotes
'resist the devil and he shall flee from you'
now last but not least. its a girl problem. yes indeed. its been ages since i've started thinking about girls. but funny it happens at such a time. damn
after knowing this person for quite along time. i guesse feelings have developed over the months. i find myself asking if a relationship is possible. once side of me says no. mainly because..
i duno la it just doesnt feel right.
but on the other hand another side of me says its ok. afterall feelings do blossom over time. this damn problems has been the cause of my late-nights and lack of sleep.
raawrrr!

anyway i shall try to keep my mind preoccupied with other things. thinking about these 3 topics are just too difficult.

while enjoying my scrumptous boul of laksa. i noticed a couple at the next table kissing over their laksa. and durain. yes some pieces of durian. ugh.. laksa with durian? kissing? totally disgusting. i wonder how it tastes like. then again they might actually enjoy it. 50 years from now when they are old and gray. waiting for a stroke to hit them on a morning jog gone wrong. they'll be sitting at the bench talking about the good ole days.
' honey ah *cough remember 50years ago at the katong laksa stall'
'how could i forgot. u kissed me with that slimey piece of durian still in your mouth'

ahaha. sorry like i say im very lethargic now. and my brain isnt working properly. so im going to stop bloggin before i post something even more idiotic.

2004-10-30T01:00:00.000+08:00

david crowder band
obessesion

alright its late at night and i am blogging. just came home from a hectic day of work. the problem is still ringing in my head. to go overseas or to stay. i still cant make that decision and each day the deadline gets nearer and nearer.
shit.

anyway i believe god will show me away. afterall he has helped me overcome many trails in my life. i believe he will take me thru this one too.
My legs are killing me for the time being, Thank god i have one day's rest before work on sunday again. well i guesse time passes fast in the company of friends. i am so blessed to have such sociable colleuges.
anyway on the way back from work i took a moment to consider the world of music. during my shift i took the chance to have a little chat with jon,yeow about music and his genres. He's into mainstream rock. im into punk/emo. I guesse with the help of MTV. genres like indie and emo have been so globally promoted that there is not much meaning to indie and emo rock anymore. Its real funny when some guys tell other people ' i like emo! emo rocks my socks ' when they have completly no idea what emo music is. get a life dudes.

aiight. not gonna sound to much like a music guru here. but yep thats my feelings about that subject. anyway my eyes are about to close now.
god bless u my chemical romance (:

2004-10-28T14:23:00.000+08:00

:song of the day:

hungry i come to you for i know you satisfy
i am empty but i know your love does not run dry

and so i wait for you
so i wait for you
im falling on my kness, offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart is living for

broken i come to you for your arms are open wide
i am weary but i know your touch restores my life

and so i wait for you
so i wait for you
im falling on my kness, offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart is living for

zonked.

2004-10-28T01:18:00.000+08:00

the juliana theory
the piano song

alright its been like ages since i last updated. anyway i just came back from work. im currently working at bakers with eme and joanna.
working's actually quite fun, esp if ure in the company of close friends. yay.

working at baker's has given me a whole new experience. now im in the shoes of the waiter. having to serve and sometimes take shit from customers. Not as easy as i thought it were. Today while working i had this revelation. shant disclose much of it as its pretty personal. anyway i smoked today yes. don't know what made me do it but i guesse its out of ignorance. Me, someone who hates smokers. took a puff today i actually didnt find it gross. i promised myself i shan't do it again.

anyway bible study was good. today's msg was about prayers. about why sometimes god doesnt anwser prays. i believe this msg was speaking directly at or to me. Been several weeks since i questioned my faith. asking god why was i ignored and left alone. Pretty pissed off till andy came and talked to me, today again god was speaking to me while doing my bible study. I believe what he was telling me made lots of sense.
1st he didnt anwser my prays because i harboured sin in my heart. in other words i had not asked for forgivness, yet i still asked for things.
2nd. god doesnt give when he thinks i do not deserve.
to be honest when i look back i sort of realized that alot of the things i asked for was out of greed. My wants and not my needs. still i guesse that happens when i let satan get a better of me. and it happens quite alot.

after that problem's been solve another arises. My future studies. To continue in singapore or to go to australia to complete alll my studies. man. this is a heck of a decison to make. I cant make that fucking decision by myself. its so damn difficult!!!!
grr. i have so much to lose on one hand. yet i have alot to gain on the other. There will be too many things i have strived over the years to achieve. Yet when i go to australlia i will be throwing it all away. My friends, my passion my life. i will have to start it all over again. yet if i go to australia i save many years. to think i can complete my university before im 23 how cool is that. i have to make my decision very soon. and i can only pray that god shows me a way.
after all im commiting this matter into your hands.

oh well. im pretty tired from work today.
going off now. :)

2004-10-01T19:16:00.000+08:00

Blink182
the stolckhom syndrome

yes i really feel like a fool. yet again. im still the same old guy. nth has been changed.

dear jesus. help me go through my life. help me not to be the old guy. the new has come and the old has gone. bless me with ure evalasting holyness and give me a new image. As u have promised seek and we shall find. lord here i am on my kness asking for ure love to be poured onto me. As i have promised that i will give myself continuesly to prayer and to the ministry of your word.
amen

oh well. todays officailly the end of my school term in gm. until next year i suppose. the exams are on monday! its so close by yet i spent an entire day slacking at home. why cant i seem to concentrate. Alot of things are happening around me. It seems that im not the only one
have strength my brothers..

You are the Fool card. The Fool fearlessly begins
the journey into the unknown. To do this, he
does not regard the world he knows as firm and
fixed. He has a seemingly reckless disregard
for obstacles. In the Ryder-Waite deck, he is
seen stepping off a cliff with his gaze on the
sky, and a rainbow is there to catch him. In
order to explore and expand, one must disregard
convention and conformity. Those in the throes
of convention look at the unconventional,
non-conformist personality and think What a
fool. They lack the point of view to understand
The Fool's actions. But The Fool has roots in
tradition as one who is closest to the spirit
world. In many tribal cultures, those born with
strange and unusual character traits were held
in awe. Shamans were people who could see
visions and go on journeys that we now Label" target="_blank">label
hallucinations and schizophrenia. Those with
physical differences had experience and
knowledge that the average person could not
understand. The Fool is God. The number of the
card is zero, which when drawn is a perfect
circle. This circle represents both emptiness
and infinity. The Fool is not shackled by
mountains and valleys or by his physical body.
He does not accept the appearance of cliff and
air as being distinct or real. Image from: Mary
DeLave http://www.marydelave.com/

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by

2004-09-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

david crowder band
obessesion

my life is a big mess. i keep asking myself what am i doing wrong? dear god. why isnt my relationship with you getting better? why do i keep doing things which i pray that i would not do. is it my faith in you. or is it i have no self-control

I have made certain covenants which i failed to keep. I've did a shitload of things which i am not supposed to do. Now as my exams come around the corner i cant seem to concentrate on my studies. my mind is constanely filled with why? why? why? afterwhich is accompained by long hours of stoning. wondering where the fuck did i go wrong. I guesse it takes time. i need to slowly assess myself. pray more often. oh well. Besides this major problem everything has been going ok.
senses-attention is no more again. how childish. i guesse this time its for good.
I had another argument with fro again. is it me? i guesse not. He needs to look at himself in the mirror and tell himself that ' im not high and mightey. im only human and i make mistakes' because for the time being, u keep thinking your always right.

Alright fine. if your right then there is no need for me to talk to you bitch.

Seeker service!!

2004-09-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

Jet
Cold Hard Bitch

hmm. i really can relate to this song when i think of certain people.lol. cold hard bitches indeed. oh well. seeker service was a major sucess!! we did so well. im so proud. *tears of joy stream down my cheeks!!
10+ PRC!!! (pray to recieve christ)
Oh well. rev. atomic's sermon was pretty good on the realitie's of hell. though i personally feel that non-christian's should nt be treated to a ' angry ' sermon. on their first visit. i still think its absolutetly necessary. Hell does exist. and its a place for u if u dont accpet jesus as ure lord and savior. i mean, he is standing at the door, with his hands wide open saying ' come to me '. Some non-christians are really stubborn.

ok, give it to them that they are faithful buddist, muslims or whatever. But it doesnt kill them to just come and watch a show right? i mean its a chance to redeem themselves but they still dont give a ... sometimes as a christian, i feel like giving up. Giving up on preaching and sharing the gosple with other people. I can say i've been there, tried that and got nothing. So why should i still try. But i guesse its not me to just give up like that. afterall. god has done many many things for me. If he could show so much patience to me. why cant i show patience to non-christians.

Anyway my exams are just next week! its so fast. and soon i'll be out of school. looking for a job. anyways im goin off ter study..

Quote of the day
People in whom the world sees no value
But only as burdens to bear,
Teach us great lessons of God's sovereign power
He loves them as treasurse so rare.

If god didnt have a purpose for us, we wouldnt be here.

2004-09-22T19:13:00.000+08:00

No Way Out
Search and Rescue

today could possiblely be the worst day of the month. everything went wrong for me today. Bitch you are trying too hard please stop making a fool of youreself. This is so totally wrong. woke up at 710 today. and reached school at 810. its not like it's the first time but of all days the school decided to impose a ' new ' ruling that all late comers will have 1 hour of detention after school.
what the hell??

I finally got to see my prelim results. not good. i pass all but still not good enough. 2 B3, 1 C4 and 3 C5, 1 F9. lol. i can see my future already. anyway as seeker service approaches i get nervous. argh. my part is not even perfected yet! why do i take soo much commitment without giving a damn that i will most probally break them!! Seeker-service is supposed to be sending a msg out to non-believers. Come hear the gospel. its all about jesus's love for you. yeah right. how we gonna show that if i cant even act properly. O.o not right.

anyway i quit my band. so sad. yes i quit. the band has also disolved. i gusse it's because of my relationship with Ches. Im always arguing with him over such petty issues. i do not believe im to be blame, but i am sure that i have a part to play. No spark no fire. =/ anyway after writing 4 songs and doing a teacher's day performance Senses-attention is no more. its so sad to think about the amt of time u invest in the band and then suddenly u just decide. i duno what made me do it but i sure have the feeling of regret lingering over my head. All our dreams and hopes have been dissolved. Maybe it was just not meant to be.

As each day grow by. my faith in certain people seems to dissipate. where is the strength in you when times are so fucked up. Why did i look up to u as an idol. when now when times are shitty u just dont give a fuck. whatsup with that. look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what the hell do u see? A grown up boy? or some posseur who thinks people look up to him.
Reality check, i did look up to you at one time. now ure just some jackass who is afraid of his own shadow, finally u've shown ure true colour. for that im truely grateful. Anyway no thanks for your help. I cant think about this now. i hope your reading this. im not putting names to save your embarrasment. and im not like you. im not afraid to speak my mind.!

2004-09-19T17:33:00.000+08:00

Lost Prophets
Wakeup

Yes. This song has really made me wake up. how ironic. anyway. thank god for my chance and the guts to open up to andy. i feel so much better that my faith in you god is restored. thank you.
Oh well. things have been going pretty smoothly. and for once i feel like blogging. yay! =)
Seeker service practice is getting more hectic though. wendy is going crazy over certain details such as lighting and sound. heh. well everything must be perfect in order for us to preach the gospel.

Anyway i had this really funny dream yst. its too long to explain but its kinda weird once it was over. Wat if your in a certain situation, that lets say u make a covenant with god. That u redidicate your life to him. but on that very same day u go do everything that is not christian like! u steal, u gamble. etc.. how would u feel once the day was over. knowing that the very same day. u made a covenant with god.

wow. i think i'll be in deep shit if that happens. haha. my my. todays msg in church was pretty revelant to my dream. how ironic again. today's msg was about a blood covenant. when it comes to this subject im always very fearful. The power of a blood covenant. the covenant that we made with jesus. that because of what we do. SIN. he has taken it all on the cross. he is our benefactor. it kind of makes me think of him as a big brother. that whenever i have a problem, i go to him for help. thank god.

With XS camp coming up together with seeker service. i need u more than ever lord. thank you for whatever you have done for me.
ciao

2004-09-17T17:11:00.000+08:00

Sum41
we are all to blame

Oh well. my exams are over... for now. and i get to relax abit before the national exams start.hmm i guesse some load or pressure has been taken off me. but i dun feel like im de-stressed. things are not meant to be i guesse. Some things are never forgotten.while things that should be forgotten stay.
I got my topic for my national art examinations. and it is tough. O.o very tough
I think i have to wreck my poor brain. start its rusty engine and start to ' think ' again. sigh..
Today i really slacked. i just didnt do anything i wanted to do. i wanted to go to gym and then go meet my friend in the afternoon. didnt do any of that. when i reached home i just felt like goin to my trusty screen and stone in front of it. oh my poor eyes.

Didnt intend to blog but oh well. Tonight i have prayer meeting. church is going to pray for my fellow actors and i for our performance in 2weeks time. god give me strength.
soon ill be meeting andy. i guesse he'll be talking to me about my 'problems'
my mind is pretty blank and i dun have to mood to blog anymore..
ciao..

--------------
Since you’ve felt the fire
And passion and joy anew?
Are you ready for a revelation?
We all know that there is so much more
We’re in need of His inspiration
Can’t wait another day
Got to have it right away

Revive us again
Revive us again
-----------

2004-09-15T16:14:00.000+08:00

Alterbridge
Open Your Eyes

Im so stressed. Exams are being ushered to me one after another.Now i have 2 exams in one day.and both papers arn't that easy.Its funny how one feels when he knows he studied and go sit for the paper and then. *poof. everything goes out of your mind. if that happens wtf study for. who knows. something might stay inside.
anyway its that time of the year again when i ask myself whats my purpose in life. Its really funny. one part of the year u're not giving a damn about your life. just enjoying it to the max. and then suddenly one day ure doing smth serious. and the thought comes to mind. where am i going to go? what am i going to do. do i have my future secured?

I was talking to jeshri the other day. shes back in singapore.she says i look better than before.lol.ok..
anyway we talked alot. she says that i've changed? have i? my passion for music and i have god now. or i think she think's i have god now. yes i know i was a insecure little bastard when i was younger, not having a goal in mind. just doing what i want to do whenever i want to. but now maybe i have matured alittle. i plan my time and i have goals. but that question of god still lingers with me. yes i have accepted him as my lord. i go to church and cell everyweek. i listen to sermons and go for DG. but do that all really help. i mean im sure none of the sermons stay in my head. i could say that's because i dun like sermons. but only sermons about life after death stays. why is that so? recently i listen to a msg from the internet. it talks about a path which everyone should choose when they are still on earth. how ironic. seeker service is around the corner and the skit is all about this.
Sometimes i feel that im just a empty chirstian. i sing songs for the sake of singing. i see people all around me lifting their hands up to sing songs. izzit for real? or are they just acting. im sure that some of them are for real. but the others might be acting. do they truly know why their hands are lifted up.

oh well.great.god says that we can turn to him for help when we have problems. i turn to him everytime for help. it seems i talk to myself when i cry out to him for my problems? im sure he has heard my cries. what is it that i have done wrong? or not doing correctly...
usually im left to settle my problems on my own. making my own decisons. It is said that ask and it shall be given. well im asking and nothing is given..

anyway i have tuition now.
lord get me thru my prelims.

dammit.

2004-09-14T14:01:00.000+08:00

Northstar
Pollyana

Gay Gay Gay!!!
This isnt right. How can brand new electric strings break? oh great. now im sitting at home not doing anything. I can already see my future. oh well. there are official whores living in my condo now. goodie. gives me more reason to get friends over.
But i doubt they'll stay there for very long. Not till someone reports them. bah im in no mood to blog. im so pissed. the strings cost me like $25+ gawd. fuck.

Sunday 13th

2004-09-12T13:04:00.000+08:00

Hillsong
Now that your near

lately i've been listening to alot of christian songs.re-borned and im loving it. Changed my background for the uptenth time. yst the carnival was a huge sucess. My band played very well and the crowd accepted it. =) looks like we will be performing for days to come
anyway not noticing that seeker service is fast approaching. We have lest than 2 weeks to practice. How are we going to let people hear the gospel if we can act the skit properly. gawd.
Anyway Today's message was kinda good. It reminded me that one of the commandment was to respect our parents. i guesse i haven been doing that much as i have been caught too much on my own agenda. Doing my own stuff not giving time to them.

Anyway spike came back during the carnival. haven seen him for ages. we started discussing to form another band haha. he sounded so high and mightey. but he's a great player. *grin Band name? 2 guys and a young punk. haha pretty lame but he's idea. nothing's been finalized anyway. im just too afraid to make commitments. Im afraid to break them. argh. work is piling up again. and deadlines have to be met..
i dun have much time to blog now a days. really busy..
Kudos to Abide again.! keep up the good work again

Chow

New Songgg

2004-09-06T18:42:00.000+08:00

NewFoundGlory
BoyCrazy

hey guys im baccck!
after so long not blogging, finally took the time to blog!
our new single is up and running, we still need to bridge to complete the whole song. i might not be back soon as my N'levels are happening.
Anyway Teachers day was a blast. we rocked the whole school, though the sound system sucks we still played our heart out =)
Mr ang came back. heres a photo taken with him. .
Teacher's Day Photo

All Along

Verse1
I couldnt wait this time
I couldnt fight this time
i couldnt wait no more
I liked you all along
Did you know that i,
Watched your back at night
To make sure your ok
every single night

Pre-chorus
I nver ever thought that you'll actually like mebut now i guesse its time to movee on

Chorus
How could i have know for real
That you were always there for me
When i walk from far away
Not a single glance at me
How can i believe your words
When u said i was a fool
Now you say ure heart is true
Look around, you'll see your screwed

Verse2
When i talked to her
I was at all ears
To her every thought
To be a good support
But she broke my heart
when she said i wasnt good enough
what was i to sayi just walked away

Pre-chorus
I nver ever thought that you'll actually like mebut now i guesse its time to movee on
Chorus
How could i have know for real
That you were always there for me
When i walk from far away
Not a single glance at me
How can i believe your words
When u said i was a fool
Now you say ure heart is true
Look around, you'll see your screwed

Bridge.(not written yet)

2004-08-27T19:47:00.000+08:00

Ashlee Simspon
Pieces of Me

senses-attention is back. fro decided to re-join us. working on our new single now. Its call ' All along '
The first verse goes like this

Verse1

Verse 1 :
I couldnt wait this time
I couldnt fight this time
I couldnt wait no more
I liked you all along
Did you know that i,
Watched ure back at night
To make sure your ok
Every single night

sounds abit cliche right. well. haha its blink182 meets Sum41. its gonna be a emo/punk. hope you guys like it when its released.
we are still working on the chorous and verse 2. rythem is done and it'll be in C with distortion and fast bass :) chow all

Drained...

2004-08-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

New Found Glory
My friends over you

arggh. i have been feeling the strain on meee!! so tiried. no time to go and chat online, or even update my blog. everydae is either training, stuyding or rehearsl.. this is totally draining me. I HAVE NO FUCKING LIFE!

well we've changed the band name to audioLive sounds pretty cool right. yea anyway i really have nothing much to say. just sucumbing to the requestss to update :P yea schools cool. everythings cool just that my white hair is growing whaha.
i have band rehearsals, play rehersals. etc. gawd...

prelims and N'level
jezz

2004-07-25T19:46:00.000+08:00

Cute cousin =)